Jokebox

Funny Hollywood Squares Answers

Jibs so far:
49
Jabs so far:
2

If you remember the Original Hollywood Squares and its comics, this may bring a tear to your eyes. These great questions and answers are from the days when Hollywood Squares game show responses were spontaneous and clever, not scripted and (often) dull, as they are now.

 Peter Marshall was the host asking the questions, of course. Enjoy!

 Q. Do female frogs croak?

 A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.

 Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be?

 A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.

 Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.

 A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.

 Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?

 A. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.

 Q. According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that he is  attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married?

 A. Rose Marie: No; wait until morning.

 Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?

 A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.

 Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say "I Love You"?

 A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty.

 Q. What are "Do It," "I Can Help," and "I Can't Get Enough"?

 A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment.

 Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while talking?

 A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget.

 Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?

 A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.

 Q. Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during the first year?

 A. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.

 Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score?

 A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.

 Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps.

One is politics, what is the other?

 A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures.

 Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?

 A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.

 Q. Can boys join the Campfire Girls?

 A. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.

 Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do?

 A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?

 Q If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?

 A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.

 Q. According to Ann Landers, is their anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?

 A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.

 Q. It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it?

 A. Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn't neglected.

 Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?

 A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.

 Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?

 A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?

 Q When a couple has a baby, who is responsible for its sex?

 A. Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car, the rest is up to him.

 Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?

 A. Charley Weaver: His feet.

 Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?

 A. Paul Lynde: Point and Laugh

The HTML graphics in this message have been displayed. [Edit Preferences - What's This?]

laynerl's Avatar
Uploaded by: laynerl
Category: Other & Random
Date: 01/24/06
Views: 48,091
Description: from the original stars who appeared on Hollywood Squares

Comments (Add Comment)

shadowfox's avatar by shadowfox Fri Jan 27 11:31:33 PST 2006 (2 years ago)

:-D

reply

Frankierio's avatar by Frankierio Wed Feb 08 03:37:09 PST 2006 (2 years ago)

love these

reply

CraigJanssen's avatar by CraigJanssen Sun Feb 12 17:50:45 PST 2006 (2 years ago)

hahahahahaha.. Always did like the celbs and theier answers! :-D

reply

Susieposie's avatar by Susieposie Mon Feb 13 15:53:06 PST 2006 (2 years ago)

:-D :-D

reply

NormaJean's avatar by NormaJean Tue Feb 14 16:34:18 PST 2006 (2 years ago)

:-D

reply

beauregardv's avatar by beauregardv Tue Feb 14 18:11:05 PST 2006 (2 years ago)

This is great material! :-D

reply

tullcat's avatar by tullcat Wed Feb 15 07:16:37 PST 2006 (2 years ago)

Ah, the good ol' days.

reply

NormaJean's avatar by NormaJean Wed Feb 15 18:31:09 PST 2006 (2 years ago)

:-D

reply

suesjnk1's avatar by suesjnk1 Fri Feb 17 10:41:42 PST 2006 (2 years ago)

:-D :-D

reply

NormaJean's avatar by NormaJean Tue Feb 21 07:35:57 PST 2006 (2 years ago)

:-D

reply

Laura53's avatar by Laura53 Tue Feb 21 10:05:03 PST 2006 (2 years ago)

Love it!!! :-D :-D :-D

reply

RADDS's avatar by RADDS Wed Feb 22 15:13:52 PST 2006 (2 years ago)

:-D Comic relief...

reply

Whew_NotYuppie's avatar by Whew_NotYuppie Mon Feb 27 22:07:06 PST 2006 (2 years ago)

:-D :-D :-D :-D :-D Paul Lynde was the funniest person ever. Thanks for these, love them.

reply

momnurse's avatar by momnurse Thu Mar 02 10:06:12 PST 2006 (2 years ago)

ROFLMAO !! :-D :-D :-D :-D :-D :-D :-D Oh my Gosh !! I'm telling my age !!!

reply

Joker's avatar by Joker Thu Mar 02 10:48:19 PST 2006 (2 years ago)

:-D Nothing beats the originals :-D

reply

rosebud1's avatar by rosebud1 Thu Mar 02 19:43:48 PST 2006 (2 years ago)

WHATEVER HAPPENED TO THE GOOD OLD DAYS, WHEN LAUGHS DID NOT HAVE TO HAVE SWEAR WORDS TO MAKE YOU LAUGH AND WE HAD TO RELY ON HORRIBLE LAUGH SOUNDTRACKS?

reply

lucerobbins's avatar by lucerobbins Sat Mar 04 22:11:51 PST 2006 (2 years ago)

:-D :-D :-D I always looked forward to Hollywood squares as a kid, cuz we didnt have cable. I didnt get half the jokes, but the ones I did get made it worth watching...of course now that I get them all, its much funnier...kinda like "whose line?" ... :-D :-D :-D

reply

Lazer's avatar by Lazer Mon Mar 06 18:50:14 PST 2006 (2 years ago)

;-)

reply

Zemo999's avatar by Zemo999 Wed Mar 08 19:37:06 PST 2006 (2 years ago)

Wow refreshing humor!! Great stuff!! :-D :-D :-D

reply

daddywags3's avatar by daddywags3 Mon Mar 20 06:21:20 PST 2006 (2 years ago)

:-D :-D :-D

reply

Haha

Need New Glasses?
Title
Need New Glasses?
Info
Length: 1:00 | Views: 36
Category
Category: Commercials & Products
Submitter
Silver Rose's Avatar
Uploaded by Silver Rose on 05/12/08
Jibs:
1
| Jabs:
0
Shaping Paste
Title
Shaping Paste
Info
Length: 3:33 | Views: 24
Category
Category: Other & Random
Submitter
pcusa's Avatar
Uploaded by pcusa on 05/12/08
Jibs:
2
| Jabs:
0
This Is A Recording
Title
This Is A Recording
Info
Length: 5:16 | Views: 29
Category
Category: Other & Random
Submitter
pcusa's Avatar
Uploaded by pcusa on 05/12/08
Jibs:
1
| Jabs:
0
The Professor on Magic (Sid Caesar & Carl Reiner)
Title
The Professor on Magic (Sid Caesar & Carl Reiner)
Info
Length: 11:47 | Views: 18
Category
Category: Other & Random
Submitter
tomahawk's Avatar
Uploaded by tomahawk on 05/12/08
Jibs:
2
| Jabs:
0
Quite the alternative way to choose in order to get food on the table :P
Title
Quite the alternative way to choose in order to get food ...
Info
Length: 1:15 | Views: 23
Category
Category: Commercials & Products
Submitter
JKochk's Avatar
Uploaded by JKochk on 05/12/08
Jibs:
2
| Jabs:
0
Speed Racer Movie Review | Spill.com Movie Reviews
Title
Speed Racer Movie Review | Spill.com Movie Reviews
Info
Length: 4:21 | Views: 53
Category
Category: TV, Music & Movies
Submitter
SpillCrew's Avatar
Uploaded by SpillCrew on 05/12/08
Jibs:
2
| Jabs:
0
"Stuck In Her Dress"
Title
"Stuck In Her Dress"
Info
Length: 2:12 | Views: 744
Category
Category: Documented Stupidity
Submitter
mark1800's Avatar
Uploaded by mark1800 on 05/12/08
Jibs:
7
| Jabs:
8
"Naked Bungee Jumping"
Title
"Naked Bungee Jumping"
Info
Length: 2:16 | Views: 902
Category
Category: Documented Stupidity
Submitter
mark1800's Avatar
Uploaded by mark1800 on 05/12/08
Jibs:
15
| Jabs:
5
CAN'T REMEMBER SONG
Title
CAN'T REMEMBER SONG
Info
Length: 3:13 | Views: 193
Category
Category: Old Age
Submitter
derlehrer's Avatar
Uploaded by derlehrer on 05/12/08
Jibs:
5
| Jabs:
0
GOTTA LEARN THE ROPES!
Title
GOTTA LEARN THE ROPES!
Info
Length: 0:17 | Views: 178
Category
Category: Documented Stupidity
Submitter
benjaminwolf's Avatar
Uploaded by benjaminwolf on 05/12/08
Jibs:
6
| Jabs:
1
See All »