Jibs so far:

2

Jabs so far:

0

"Senator Trent Lott, who was ousted from the Senate leadership four years ago because of remarks considered racially insensitive, won election Wednesday, as the Senate Minority Whip. But Lott was disappointed to learn this doesn't mean he gets to whip minorities." --Seth Myers

"Yesterday in a 25 to 24 vote, Republicans welcomed back Lott back into their leadership and named him minority whip. That is great for Trent. They say minority whip is a stepping stone to Grand Wizard." --Stephen Colbert

"The Democrats, it's less than two weeks since they took power and already they're fighting among themselves. ... Say what you want about the Republican Congress, those guys were always on the same page. The wrong page, but the same page" --Bill Maher

"President Bush on Monday met for more than an hour with the independent panel examining strategic options for Iraq and cautioned afterward that while he's open to new ideas, he'd like them to come only from people who agree with him." --Amy Poehler

"President Bush, trying to gain international support in Iraq ... met with leaders in Vietnam. ... Experts say nothing builds support for a war like a trip to Vietnam." --Conan O'Brien

"President Bush in Vietnam. I bet you never thought you'd hear those words in the same sentence. It's like saying Bill Clinton and celibacy in the same sentence." --Jay Leno

"President Bush now in his eight day trip to China. His approval rating is 31%. Not good. To give you an idea of how unpopular President Bush is, on Air Force One now, he can't even get the window seat." --Jay Leno

"According to the Washington Times, there's a revolt brewing among Republicans in the House. People are, of course, shocked by this. There are still Republicans in the House?" --Jay Leno

"A recent study shows that Osama bin Laden wields a surprisingly low amount of influence over Islamic ideology. They don't listen to him. I don't want to say Osama's losing power, but you want to know what his al Qaeda code name is now? .. 'Rumsfeld'." --Jay Leno

"Disgraced lobbyist Jack Abramoff reported to prison today for his six-year term for bribing members of Congress. Here is the ironic part -- on his first day in prison, he ran into more congressmen than he did when he was on Capitol Hill." --Jay Leno