Political Humor 09/07/2006

Jokebox

Jibs so far:: 3

Jabs so far:: 0

"This week a new oil field was discovered under the Gulf of Mexico that could boost the U.S.' oil and gas reserves by 50%. Finally some good news for the oil companies." --Conan O'Brien

"Good news -- the price of gasoline continues to fall. It's dropped 15 cents over the last two weeks. Bad news -- Gas prices have dropped so much that Dick Cheney was put on suicide watch." --Jay Leno

"Al Qaeda has released another video. This is rather strange. It features a 28-year-old American named Adam Pearlman from Orange County, California. The guy is in al Qaeda? How crazy is that? Finally, an American takes a job away from somebody overseas, and it's in al Qaeda." --Jay Leno

"Earlier today, Mexico's top court proclaimed Felipe Calderon as the new president-elect. Court officials contacted Calderon this morning at his home in Phoenix, Arizona." --Conan O'Brien

"Katie Couric made her debut hosting the CBS 'Evening News' earlier tonight. This is a historic fact -- not a female anchor -- someone under the age of 70 doing the news on CBS." --Jay Leno

"At the 2006 MTV Video Music Awards, former Vice President Al Gore lectured the audience about global warming. The Rock 'n' Roll audience cheered, gave him a standing ovation, and then they got in their stretch Hummer limos, went to the airport, boarded their private jets, and flew home to Malibu." --Jay Leno

"Of course, President Bush came to the hurricane this week. He went back to New Orleans to try and put lipstick on that pig. Not easy because a third of the trash there still has not been picked up -- and that's just the white trash. Some of this garbage is piled up so high you can barely see the 'Mission Accomplished' banner." --Bill Maher

"Karl Rove's new talking point for the Republicans is that the terrorists are like the Nazis, and anyone against the Iraq War is like the appeasers before World War II. If that doesn't work they're going to use Bush's analogy, where bin Laden is a Klingon and he's Captain Kirk." --Bill Maher

"Hillary Clinton said today that she hopes American is ready for a woman in the Oval Office. See, that was the great thing about her husband, Bill. He was always ready for a woman in the Oval Office." --Jay Leno

"British Prime Minister Tony Blair is expected to step down next summer. When President Bush heard this he said, "Damn, that’s was the only foreign guy who could speak American.” --Conan O'Brien