Jibs so far:

3

Jabs so far:

1

- If you run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in a four - wheel drive pickup truck with a tow chain will be long shortly. Don't try to help them, just stay out of the way. This is what they live for.

- Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store. Do not buy food at this store.

- Remember, "Y'all" is singular, "all y'all" is plural, and "all y'all's" is plural possessive.

- Get used to hearing "You ain't from around here, are ya?"

- Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later on how to use it.

- Be advised that "He needed killin " is valid defense here.

- If you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey, y'all watch this," you should stay out of the way. These are likely to be the last words he'll ever say.

- If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the smallest accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery store. It doesn't matter whether you need anything or not.

You just have to go there.

- Do not be surprised to find that 10 - year olds own their own shotguns, they are proficient marksmen, and their mammas taught them how to aim.

- In the South, we have found that the best way to grow a lush green lawn is to pour gravel on it and call it a driveway.

- If you do settle in the South and have children, don't think for one minute that they will be accepted as Southerners.

After all, if a cat had kittens in the oven. you wouldn't call 'em biscuits.