Jokebox
this one is long but its worth it
Anger Management
When you occasionally have a really bad day,
and you just need to take it out on someone,
don't take it out on someone you know,
take it out on someone
you don't know.
I was sitting at my desk when I remembered
a phone call I'd forgotten to make.
I found the number and dialed it.
A man answered, saying "Hello."
I politely said, "This is Chris .
Could I please speak with Robyn Carter?"
Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear
"Get the right freaking number!"
and the phone was slammed down on me.
I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude.
When I tracked down Robyn's correct number to call
her,
I found that I had accidentally transposed the last two
digits.
After hanging up with her,
I decided to call the 'wrong' number again.
When the same guy answered the phone,
I yelled "You're an asshole !" and hung up.
I wrote his number down with the word 'asshole' next to
it,
and put it in my desk drawer.
Every couple of weeks, when I was
paying bills or had a really bad day,
I'd call him up and yell,
"You're an asshole !"
It always cheered me up.
When Caller ID was introduced,
I thought my therapeutic asshole calling would have to
stop.
So, I called his number and said,
"Hi, this is John Smith from the telephone company.
I'm calling to see if you're familiar with our Caller ID
Program?"
He yelled "NO!" and slammed down the phone.
I quickly called him back and said,
"That's because you're an asshole!" and hung up.
One day I was at the store,
getting ready to pull into a parking spot.
Some guy in a black BMW cut me off
and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited
for.
I hit the horn and yelled that
I'd been waiting
for that spot,
but the idiot ignored me.
I noticed a "For Sale " sign in his back window,
so I wrote down his number.
A couple of days later,
right after calling the first asshole
(I had his number on speed dial),
I thought that I'd better call the BMW asshole, too.
I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?
He said, "Yes, it is.."
I asked, "Can you tell me where I can see it?"
He said, "Yes, I live at
34 Oaktree Blvd , in Fairfax .
It's a yellow ranch style house,
and the ca= r's parked right out in front."
I asked, "What's your name?"
He said, "My name is Don Hansen."
I asked, "When's a good time to catch you, Don?"
He said, "I'm home every evening after five."
I said, "Listen, Don, can I tell you something?"
He said, "Yes?"
I said, "Don, you're an asshole !"
Then I hung up, and added his number
to my speed dial, too.
Now, when I had a problem,
I had two assholes to call.
Then I came up with an idea.
I called Asshole #1. He said, "Hello."
I said, "You're an asshole!" (But I didn't hang up.)
He asked, "Are you still there?"
I said, "Yeah."
He screamed, "Stop calling me!"
I said, "Make me."
He asked, "Who are you?"
I said, "My name is Don Hansen."
He said, "Yeah? Where do you live?"
I said, "Asshole, I live at
34 Oaktree Blvd in
Fairfax;
it’s a yellow ranch style house,
and I have a black Beamer parked in front."
He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don.
And you had better start saying your prayers."
I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, asshole," and hung
up.
Then I called Asshole No. 2.
He said, "Hello?"
I said, "Hello, asshole ."
He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are..."
I said, "You'll what?"
He exclaimed, "I'll kick your ass,"
I answered, "Well, asshole, here's your chance.
I'm coming over right now."
Then I hung up and immediately called the police,
saying that I lived at 34 Oaktree Blvd , in Fairfax ,
and that my gay lover said he
was on his way over to kill me.
Then I called Channel 9 News about a gang war
going down on Oaktree Blvd. in Fairfax
I quickly = got into my car and headed over to Fairfax
I got there just in time to watch two assholes
beating the crap out of each other
in front of six cop cars,
an overhead news helicopter
and surrounded by a news crew.
NOW I feel much better.
Anger
management
really works
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Comments (Add Comment)
Gosh, you have better problem solving skills than DR> PHIL show, I need to try this....
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