Jibs so far:

5

Jabs so far:

5

 My answers to the MAN RULES....

(FROM PATTY, written with love...)

(The Man Rules At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down Finally, the guys' side of the story. (I must admit, it's pretty good.) We always hear "the rules" From the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules!)

I'm sure all of you women have gotten this email one time or another, from some proud ignorant man who thought he had it ALL figured out....I have gotten this email numerous times from my buddy list, and THIS time, I just had to respond to it. (these are my answers to the so called "MAN RULES". They are in color, so if there IS  a man reading, they know which is which.)

Please note.. these are all numbered "1 " ON PURPOSE! 1. Men are NOT mind readers.

(They are probably all numbered "1" because they were not capable of keeping track of the numbers. So many big ones, you know, when they get past double digits")

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

(yeah, okay, leave it up, but at least clean the drippings you leave behind... If you don't want to clean it, put the toilet seat DOWN to hide the mess.)

1. Sunday sports: It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

(Fine with me... just another reason to go shopping!)

1. Crying is blackmail.

(Crying = blackmail = WE WIN!)

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

(How would you like if we carried a chalkboard around with us so we can spell it out for you???)

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

 (remember this when you WANT something... oh, and BTW, I like the word "NO" better.)

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

HAHAHHA... help solve OUR problems??? PULLLEEEEEEEZ!)

 1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become Null and Void after 7 Days.

(Probably because you have the attention span of an ameba, and can't remember what you said 7 days ago. )

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

(If you ask "was it good for you?" it probably wasn't. Don't ask us)

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

(Yeah, Good Answer.)

1. You can either ask us to do something Or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

(I'll just tell you how I want it done, and if you screw it up, I'll hire a handyman.)

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials..

 (yeah, but that's gonna cost you lots of money! especially if I like what the commercial is selling)

1. Christopher Columbus did NO T need directions and neither do we.

 (so I guess I can throw out your beloved GPS toy??)

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

(this is why us women ADORE gay men!)

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

(yeah, so do monkeys, but they don't brag about it)

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

(Yeah, but it will blow up in your face BIG TIME, eventually)

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

 (This is why we have Opra.)

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine.... Really.

 ( We know, we just like to bust balls.)

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball or golf.

(Yeah, we came to that cruel realization years ago... )

1. You have enough clothes.

(never enough)

1. You have too many shoes.

 (Never too many! that's blasphemy!)

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

 (so is a grapefruit)

1. Thank you for reading this . Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;

(Nah, we have already accepted your shortcomings, and we love you anyway!)

But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

 (I know, so you MUST come to bed, just so we can torture you a little more)

 Pass this to as many men as you can - to give them a laugh.

Pass this to as many women as you can - to give them a bigger laugh.

(and remember ladies, we ALWAYS have the LAST LAUGH!)

your friend,

Patty