I was in bed one night with my boyfriend Ernie, he began combing his hair and 

there was a great shower of dandruff about the bed. I said to him, "Ernie what is that?"  

He said to me, "Sophie, those are The Snows of Kilimanjaro." He then leapt from the bed and ran to the loo. 

I could hear him relieving himself violently, tisk tisk tisk.  

I said to him, "Ernie, what the hell is that?"  

He said to me, "Sophie,  those are the rains of Rungepour."  

On the way back from the loo he had an attack of flatulence, the cheese was cut.  

I said to him, "Ernie what the hell is that?"  

He said to me, "Sophie, those are the winds of Krakatau."  

That was enough for me, 

I jumped into my clothes and was out the door like a shot.  

I could hear him calling me from down the road, 

"Where you going, what's wrong?"  

I said, "Who can make love in this weather?"