Jibs so far:

3

Jabs so far:

0

Rule: No more gift registries. You know, it used to be just for weddings. Now it's for babies and new homes and graduations from rehab. Picking out the stuff you want and having otherpeople buy it for you isn't gift giving, it's the white people version of looting. 

Rule: Stop giving me that pop-up ad for classmates.com! There's a reason you don't talk topeople for 25 years. Because you don't particularly like them! Besides, I already know whatthe captain of the football team is doing these days --- mowing my lawn. 

Rule: Don't eat anything that's served to you out a window unless you're a seagull. People are acting all shocked that a human finger was found in a bowl of Wendy's chili. Hey, it costless than a dollar. What did you expect it to contain? Lobster? 

Rule: Stop saying that teenage boys who have sex with their hot, blonde teachers arepermanently damaged.  I have a better description for these kids: 'Lucky bastards.' 

Rule: If you need to shave and you still collect baseball cards, you're a dope. If you're a kid, the cards are keep sakes of your idols. If you're a grown man, they're pictures of men.