Jibs so far:

1

Jabs so far:

1

Funny Signs Plumber: "We repair what your husband fixed."

 Pizza shop slogan: "7 days without pizza makes one weak.

" At a tire shop in Milwaukee : "Invite us to your next blow out."

 Door of a plastic surgeons office: "Hello, can we pick your nose?"

 Sign at the psychic's hotline: "Don't call us, we'll call you.

" At a laundry shop: "How about we refund your money, send you a new one at no charge, close the store and have the manager shot. Would that be satisfactory?"

 At a towing company: "We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows.

" Billboard on the side of the road: "Keep your eyes on the road and stop reading these signs."

 On an electricians truck: "Let us remove your shorts."

 In a non-smoking area: "If we see smoking we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action.

" On maternity room door: "Push, Push, Push

." At an optometrists office "If you don't see what your looking for you've come to the right place.

" On a taxidermist's window: "We really know our stuff."

 In a Podiatrist's office: "Time wounds all heels." On a Butchers window: "Let me meat your needs."

 On a fence: "Salesmen welcome, dog food is expensive.

" At a car dealership: "The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment.

" Outside a muffler shop: "No appointment necessary, we hear you coming."

 Outside a hotel: "Help! We need inn-experienced people.

" On a desk in a reception room: "We shoot every 3rd salesman , and the 2nd one just left.

" In a veterinarians waiting room: "Be back in 5 minutes, Sit! Stay!

" At the electric company: "We would be de-lighted if you send in your bill. However, if you don't you will be

." On the door of a computer store: "Out for a quick byte.

" In a restaurant window: "Don't stand there and be hungry, come on in and get fed up.

" Inside a bowling alley: "Please be quiet, we need to hear a pin drop."

 In the front yard of a funeral home: "Drive carefully, we'll wait."

 In a counsellors office: "Growing old is mandatory, growing wise is optional.

 At a Santa Fe gas station: "We will sell gasoline to anyone in a glass container.

" In a New York restaurant: "Customers who consider our waitresses uncivil ought to see the manager.

" On the wall of a Baltimore estate: "Trespassers will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law.

--Sisters of Mercy" On a long-established New Mexico dry cleaners:

 "38 years on the same spot.

" In a Los Angeles dance hall: "Good clean dancing every night but Sunday.

" In a Florida maternity ward: "No children allowed.

" In a New York drugstore: "We dispense with accuracy.

" In the offices of a loan company: "Ask about our plans for owning your home."

 In a New York medical building: " Mental Health Prevention Center "

 On a New York convalescent home: "For the sick and tired of the Episcopal Church.

" On a Maine shop: "Our motto is to give our customers the lowest possible prices and workmanship." At a number of military bases: "Restricted to unauthorized personnel."

 On a display of "I love you only" Valentine cards: "Now available in multi-packs."

 In the window of a Kentucky appliance store: "Don't kill your wife. Let our washing machine do the dirty work."

 In a funeral parlor: "Ask about our layaway plan.

" In a clothing store: "Wonderful bargains for men with 16 and 17 necks.

" In a Tacoma , Washington men's clothing store: "15 men's wool suits, $10. They won't last an hour!"

 On a shopping mall marquee: "Archery Tournament -- Ears pierced"

 Outside a country shop: "We buy junk and sell antiques."

 In the window of an Oregon store: "Why go elsewhere and be cheated when you can come here?

" In a Maine restaurant: "Open 7 days a week and weekends."

 On a radiator repair garage: "Best place to take a leak.

" In the vestry of a New England church: "Will the last person to leave please see that the perpetual light is extinguished."

 In a Pennsylvania cemetery: "Persons are prohibited from picking flowers from any but their own graves.

" On a roller coaster: "Watch your head."

 On the grounds of a public school: "No trespassing without permission."

 On a Tennessee highway: "When this sign is under water, this road is impassable.

" Similarly, in front of a New Hampshire car wash: "If you can't read this, it's time to wash your car.

" And apparently, somewhere in England in an open field otherwise untouched by human presence, there is a sign that says, "Do not throw stones at this sign."