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Subject: Halloween Safety Tips from the Movies


>
> With Halloween upon us, it is worthwhile to remember a few simple
> rules to help keep this season healthy, happy and SAFE!! Please use these
> helpful hints this and every year.
>
> 1. When it appears that you have killed the monster, NEVER check to see
> if it's really dead.
>
> 2. NEVER read a book of demon-summoning aloud, even as a joke.
>
> 3. Do not search the basement, ESPECIALLY if the power has gone out.
>
> 4. If your children speak to you in Latin or any other language which
> they should not know, shoot them immediately. It will save you a lot of
> grief in the long run. However, it will probably take several rounds to
> kill them, so be prepared. This also applies to kids who speak with
> somebody else's voice.
>
> 5. When you have the benefit of numbers, NEVER pair off and go alone.
>
> 6. As a general rule, don't solve puzzles that open portals to Hell.
>
> 7. Never stand in, on, or above a grave, tomb, or crypt. This would apply
> to any other house of the dead as well.
>
> 8. If you're searching for something which caused a loud noise and find
> out it's just the cat .............. GET THE HELL OUT!
>
> 9. If appliances start operating by themselves, do not check for short
> circuits ........... GET THE HELL OUT!
>
> 10. Do not take ANYTHING from the dead.
>
> 11. If you find a town which looks deserted, there's probably a good
> reason for it. Don't stop and look around.
>
> 12. Don't fool with recombinant DNA technology unless you're sure you
> know what you're doing.
>
> 13. If you're running from the monster, expect to trip or fall down at
> east twice, more if you are female. Also note that, despite the fact that
> you are running and the monster is merely shambling along, it's still
> moving fast enough to catch up with you.
>
> 14. If your companions suddenly begin to exhibit uncharacteristic
> behavior such as hissing, fascination for blood, glowing eyes, increasing
> hairiness, and so on, kill them immediately.
>
> 15. Stay away from certain geographical locations, some of which are
> listed here: Amityville, Elm Street , Transylvania , Nilbog (you're in
> trouble if you recognize this one), anywhere in Texas where chainsaws are
> sold, the Bermuda Triangle, or any small town in Maine .
>
> 16. If your car runs out of gas at night on a lonely road, do not go to
> the nearby deserted-looking house to phone for help. If you think that it
> is strange you ran out of gas because you thought you had most of a tank,
> shoot yourself instead. You are going to die anyway, and most likely be
> eaten.
>
> 17. Beware of strangers bearing tools. For example: chainsaws, staple
> guns, hedge trimmers, electric carving knives, combines, lawnmowers,
> butane torches, soldering irons, band saws, or any devices made from
> deceased companions.
>
> 18. If you find that your house is built upon a cemetery, now is the time
> to move in with the in-laws. This also applies to houses that had
> previous inhabitants who went mad or committed suicide or died in some
> horrible fashion, or had inhabitants who performed satanic practices.
>
> 19. Dress appropriately. When investigating a noise downstairs in an old
> house, women should not wear a flimsy negligee. And carry a flashlight,
> not a candle.
>
> 20. Do not mention the names of demons around open flames, as these can
> flare suddenly. Be especially careful of fireplaces in this regard.
>
> 21. Do not go looking for witches in the Maryland countryside.
>
> HAVE A SAFE AND HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!