Jokebox
Amazing Simple Home Remedies
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1. A mouse
trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from
rolling over and going back to sleep
after you hit the snooze button.
2. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you will be afraid to cough.
3. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away
4. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by si mply using the sink.
5. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a three minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a timer.
6. Have a bad headache? Smash your thumb with a hammer and you will forget about the headache.
Sometimes, we just need to remember what the rules of life really are:
You only need two tools: WD-40 and Duct Tape.
If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40.
If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.
When all else fails, toss down a good shot of whiskey and take a nap.
Remember...Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
Never pass up an opportunity to go to the bathroom.
If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You get another chance.
And finally, be really nice to your family and friends;
2. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you will be afraid to cough.
3. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away
4. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by si mply using the sink.
5. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a three minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a timer.
6. Have a bad headache? Smash your thumb with a hammer and you will forget about the headache.
Sometimes, we just need to remember what the rules of life really are:
You only need two tools: WD-40 and Duct Tape.
If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40.
If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.
When all else fails, toss down a good shot of whiskey and take a nap.
Remember...Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
Never pass up an opportunity to go to the bathroom.
If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You get another chance.
And finally, be really nice to your family and friends;
You never know when you might need them to empty your bedpan.
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Comments (Add Comment)
:-O :-D :-D :-D Great Advice! ;-)
replyOk guys, how many of you have woke up with morning "wood" and used the sink? :-D :-D :-D :-D
reply